When it comes to time between the sheets, quality beats quantity every time.<\/p>\n
Award-winning psychologist Dr Candice Nicole Hargons, who has researched sexual behavior for decades, said it’s not how long you’re having sex for that matters.<\/p>\n
What’s important is how good the sex is while you’re having it.<\/p>\n
Sexual experiences should be both pleasurable and satisfying – criteria that at first glance seem interchangeable.\u00a0Pleasure is the enjoyment felt in the moment, while satisfaction is the overall sense of fulfillment with one’s sex life.<\/p>\n
Couples may have\u00a0a specific expectation<\/span>\u00a0of how often they should be having sex \u2013 whether it’s\u00a0a few times per week<\/span>\u00a0or even daily.\u00a0If their actual sexual activity falls short of this expectation, they may feel dissatisfied with their sex life, even if they get pleasure from it when it does happen.<\/p>\n The average couple has sex once a week, but, Dr Hargons said, ‘the relationship between sexual frequency and satisfaction is like a bell curve \u2014 there\u2019s a threshold where, beyond more than once per week, sex doesn\u2019t equal more satisfaction in the relationship or otherwise.\u2019<\/p>\n A\u00a0longer time in bed<\/span>\u00a0doesn\u2019t necessarily mean greater satisfaction, either.<\/p>\n While many wax poetic about all-night lovemaking sessions, a nationally representative study found men and women reported spending an average of 24 minutes on sex.<\/p>\n Broken down further, women, on average, find 27 minutes to be the optimal duration for sexual experiences, whether it be oral, penetrative, or another form. Men prefer a slightly longer time in the bedroom at 33 minutes.<\/p>\n Dr Hargons said in her book: ‘The difference in preferences of men and women \u2013 longer duration vs shorter \u2013 could suggest shorter sexual encounters leave men feeling less satisfied, contrary to cultural recipes that suggest men prefer quickies, a la the wam-bam-thank you ma\u2019am myth.’<\/p>\n To reach their desired time, many men seek ways to last longer in bed and there is a multi-billion-dollar pharmaceutical industry built on curing erectile dysfunction and exercises or sex toys to curtail premature ejaculation.<\/p>\n In a Reddit post under the thread AskMen, one user asked, \u2018Why do guys try to make sex last for so long?\u2019<\/p>\n The poster said: \u2018I really just want to have an orgasm and relish in my little body high. But it is impossible, because after I’m done, they hold it for at least 30 more minutes, or “put it off so long, and now can’t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u2018So instead of enjoying my orgasm, I have to be selfless, and sit there for an hour and can’t walk or even think about masturbating for a couple of days because I’m so raw.<\/p>\n ‘I have never met another female who enjoyed sex lasting this long, and I used to end up faking several times to try to get them off.\u2019<\/p>\n When the responses rolled in, they mostly echoed one man\u2019s sentiment, which said: \u2018Because (especially in movies and sitcoms) women constantly complain\/insult men about finishing quickly.\u2019<\/p>\n Men are vigilant of potential disappointment that follows a premature ejaculation, as it generally means the woman in the equation has not been satisfied. One man said they are \u2018scared of being laughed at\u2019 and are \u2018just avoiding ego damage.\u2019<\/p>\n But while extended sex sessions may be touted as ideal in movies or TV, sex therapists say a shorter romp is better.<\/p>\n Penn State Erie researchers Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani\u00a0surveyed 50 experts\u00a0from the Society for Sex Therapy and Research, with 34 responding. These professionals, including psychologists and physicians, rated ideal intercourse durations.<\/p>\n They considered three to seven minutes ‘adequate,’ seven to 13 minutes ‘desirable,’ one to two minutes ‘too short,’ and 10 to 30 minutes ‘too long.’<\/p>\n And women will sometimes even fake orgasms in an effort to wrap sex up faster.<\/p>\n Research by Dr Debbie Herbenick, one of the foremost experts on sexual behavior, had found 57 percent of women surveyed faked an orgasm because they wanted to make their partner feel good, about 45 percent because they were tired and\u00a0wanted sex to end, and nearly 38 percent who said they liked the person and didn\u2019t want them to feel bad.<\/p>\n Dr Hargons, who cites Dr Herbenick\u2019s research in her book, said: ‘Research suggests cis women\u2019s reasons for faking orgasm are related to their attachment styles, with avoidant attachment faking to end the sexual experience faster and anxious attachment faking to boost their partner\u2019s self-esteem.<\/p>\n \u2018In their most recent sexual experience, less than one percent of men and around seven percent of women reported faking an orgasm.\u2019<\/p>\n At the same time, men may be trying to \u2018last longer\u2019 in service to their partners \u2013 believing that with enough time, she\u2019s bound to have an orgasm.<\/p>\n Women\u2019s time to orgasm is typically \u2018substantially longer\u2019 than men\u2019s, according to a study in the\u00a0Journal of Sexual Medicine. The average time to orgasm was on average 14 minutes, though could take as long as 40 minutes.<\/p>\n For men, studies have shown, on average,\u00a0it takes about five minutes\u00a0from penetration to ejaculation. Most men fall within two to three minutes of that average.<\/p>\n What many men believe is premature ejaculation is actually within the range of what is normal.<\/p>\n Women are far less likely than men to reach orgasm through penetrative sex. About 18 percent of women can climax from vaginal intercourse, while 36 percent reported that clitoral stimulation was key to achieving an orgasm.<\/p>\n Talking openly about sex and focusing on foreplay can help women experience orgasms more easily.<\/p>\n However, factors like sexism, a lack of proper sexual education, and cultural emphasis on penetrative sex contribute to the\u00a0difference in orgasm experiences\u00a0between young heterosexual men and women, according to sexual behavior researchers at Indiana University.<\/p>\n They said: \u2018These factors lead to disparities in pleasure-centric sexual behaviors, reinforcing the imbalance in orgasm rates. This bias might extend to sex education, in which male pleasure is emphasized more than female pleasure in heteronormative contexts.\u2019<\/p>\n So while men may think that to last longer in the bedroom means a more pleasurable experience for their partner, research shows that other forms of sexual stimulation are far more effective and efficient.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" When it comes to time between the sheets, quality beats quantity every time. Award-winning psychologist Dr Candice Nicole Hargons, who has researched sexual behavior for decades, said it’s not how long you’re having sex for that matters. What’s important is how good the sex is while you’re having it. 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